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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although
his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one
day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange
a divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend
on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations still in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
LAWYER: "Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I always up before her."
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "No, she white."
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me."
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof."
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and
put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'."
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At the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry. The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned around and went back......every one of them. One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, "This will make it better." Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium stood, the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are still telling the story... Why? Because deep down we know this one thing: What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course. If you pass this on, we may be able to change our hearts as well as someone else's. "A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle"
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Your Birthdate: June 17 |
Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense.
Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise.
You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease.
You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them.
A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection. |
Current Mood:  drained |
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So I think the best virus software out there is a free one from AVAST! Anyone that is having trouble should download it. www.avast.com
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Apr. 27th, 2005 @ 10:56 pm
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Take Life on the brightside. You never know what something will do to you until you try it. Experience life before it wastes away into something you didn't want to be. Learn to make your own choices, but always listen to other's opinnions because it is what they tell you that may make you the best person you will ever be.
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| » Well that is why I like the American way |
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During WWII, an American Army Captain stationed in England, met and
fell in love with a British Lieutenant in the WRENS.
After a whirlwind courtship, they became engaged and his fiancée
wanted him to spend the weekend at her parents' home in the country so they
could meet him.
When they arrived at a huge estate, a Rolls Royce was parked in front
of a circular driveway with a staff of a dozen maids, butler, gardeners,
etc standing at attention awaiting their arrival.
It was obvious to the Yank that his fiancée was no ordinary Brit,
but of the nobility.
Her parents were absolutely taken by her choice of a husband and a
delightful weekend was enjoyed by all.
When the Yank returned to his headquarters outside London, he went to
the British liaison officer's office, explained what had happened, and
asked what the proper protocol would be for him at the wedding.
"At the wedding, pretty much the same as your American weddings, I
would say but a bit more elaborate. The big difference would be after the
wedding.
You will both have connecting rooms in the Claridge. You will both go
to your separate rooms, where you will bathe, apply cologne, put on your
pajamas and robe and go to the door connecting your two rooms.
You will rap on the door . . . She will answer, 'yes,' And you will
say, 'I offer you my honor.'
She will respond, 'I honor your offer'. That is your permission to
enter her room.
After that, it's honor and offer all night."
Apr. 22nd, 2005 @ 09:57 am
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| » Natural Highes |
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Read each one slowly and think about it! It is so true!
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
19. Midnight! phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21.! Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34 Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing
that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the _expression on someone's face
as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and
being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing,
no matter what other people think.
Apr. 17th, 2005 @ 09:45 pm
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| » Why do I live at home again? |
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So I came home on Sunday night after having a great weekend to: "So nice of you to show up. I feel like I should just close your room cause you are never here anymore. Where were you all weekend?" So I answered that I was at Choate, slept over with a friend, went to have some fun, went to rehearsal and then back to hang out with Dan. "Well you should think more about being home because I am on the virge of throwing you out and never letting you come back!"
Geez, what a trip that is to come home to. Why do I even come back if that is what I get when I am gone for a while. It is not like I go far or do bad things? I don't get it, I just hope I don't get tossed tonight. Hey, my door is locked and I am not talking to anybody out there so that is a start.
I guess I just need that one person who really cares to talk to instead this computer thing. I mean there are a lot of people that I can talk to, but right now I want that one special person. :)
Apr. 17th, 2005 @ 09:25 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Under the silver stars,
Right where he broke your heart.
Girl you know, I'd give you everything.
I wanna hold your hand,
And say the words he never said.
I'll make you promises you can believe.
Let me be the one,
Holding you every night.
Sharing the smiles and tears you cry.
Let me be the one,
Loving you when you're weak.
For all of the strength you need,
You can come to me.
You can just be yourself,
'Cause I don't want nobody else.
All of your secrets are safe with me.
For the kind of love you can trust,
For more than just a crush,
Baby, won't you just come to me?
Apr. 12th, 2005 @ 06:01 pm
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| » Kindness and Care |
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I want to thank all the people who care about other people. I am not sure those people recieve gratitude for what they do for another person. Think about something someone has done for you to make your life easier, to make you happier, or just to be there for you during a hard time. Now think about how that person feels when all they recieve is "...". What did they receieve. An eye for an eye can go both ways. It can mean someone hits you and you hit them back or it can mean someone does something for you and you do something in return. It does not have to be of equal or greater value persay, but that act of kindness is unbelieveable.
I want to thank everyone who has done something for me, and continue to help others and be the best that they can be at whatever they do!
Mar. 25th, 2005 @ 01:02 pm
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| » What tree are you? |
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Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) -Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 -Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 0! 2 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree
TREES (in alphabetical order)
Apple Tree (Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner.
Ash Tree ( Ambition) -- extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.
Beech Tree (Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).
Birch Tree (Inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.
Cedar Tree (Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.
Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.
Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed.
Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.
Fig Tree (Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, few sexual relationships, great sense of humor, has artistic talent and great intelligence.
Fir tree (Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, handles stress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them, hard to trust others, yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable.
Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) -- charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness.
Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.
Lime Tree (Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal.
Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.
Oak Tree (Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.
Olive Tree (Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.
Pine Tree (Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance.
Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.
Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.
Weeping Willow (Melancholy) - likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh
Mar. 15th, 2005 @ 09:55 am
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| » SKA show |
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So Sarah you beat me to the post, but yea the SKA show tonight was awesome. Too bad some of you could not make it! :( Anyways I had a lot of fun with everyone who was there and definitely think that they should have more shows like that one at Central.
Mar. 14th, 2005 @ 11:09 pm
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| » Headlines from the year 2029! |
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Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally . scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (hey! I just posted it. I didn't write it!)
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines
Mar. 8th, 2005 @ 08:45 am
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| » People with no respect |
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This entry is to all the males in this world who think they are king of the hill and can go around fucking as many girls as they want. They may or may not end up landing one girl, but they sure as hell may end up getting one of them pregnant. If you are a male and managed to get a girl pregnant and you are still not together with that girl I HATE YOU!!!! You are the most disgusting people that I know. I think that any man who is thinking about having a baby remotely 1 year into a relationship is stupid, and they should not have any girlfriends at all.
Now that I am done venting...leave your feelings.
Mar. 4th, 2005 @ 08:05 am
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| » Roadies Prayer |
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Our father, who are backstage
Hallowed be thy michyis in house
Thy Gig has come
Thine will be done
Onstage as it is in house
Lead us not into distortion
But deliver us from deedback
Check, On... Two...
Mar. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:33 pm
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| » Hmm... |
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We're the best of friends
And we share our secrets
She knows everything that is on my mind
Ohhh...
Lately something's changed
As I lie awak, in my bed
A voice here inside my head
Softly says...
Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see the feelings that you hide
She'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside
Oh, I'm so afraid
To make the first move
Just a touch and we could
cross the line
And everytime shes near
I wanna never let her go
Confess to her what my heart
knows, hold her close
What would she say
I wonder would she just turn away
or would she promise me
that she's here to stay
It hurts me to wait
I keep asking myself
Why Don't you kiss her (tell her you love her)
Why Don't You tell her (tell her you need her)
Why don't you let her see
The Feelings that you hide
Cause she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside
Mar. 2nd, 2005 @ 09:34 am
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| » Spaghetti |
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A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several
years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that
she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large
sum of money if she would go to Italy to raise the child. He would also
provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how
he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to
simply mail him a postcard and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey,"
she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it
to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as
her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with
meatballs, one without
Feb. 22nd, 2005 @ 05:24 pm
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| » Hugs for Life |
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Hugs come in every shape and size, and mean so many things. Like the hug that says "I'm Happy for the joy your kindness brings." There are gentle hugs and tender ones, for feelings that are sad- Hugs that say "I'm sorry" when someones feeling bad. But the nicest hug is one that says "I'm always thinking of you" the special kind this brings your way, the hug that says "I miss you."
I need a hug....:-[
Feb. 19th, 2005 @ 02:43 pm
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| » Hmm... |
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Well what happens when there is two very jealous people that don't realize it. A clash, well I am just hoping that this is not going to occur. If you are the people reading this and know who you are, lets try to settle this. Cause it is only one or the other, not both!
Feb. 8th, 2005 @ 08:47 pm
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| » HEHE |
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So I saw this in a profile and had to put it up!
"They're not necissarily porn pictures...they're just compromising positions"
LOL
Jan. 30th, 2005 @ 01:11 pm
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